We Are Not Meant to Do This Alone
This is the first in a series of three posts about Spiritual Direction. My intent with this series is for more people to know about spiritual direction, to understand why someone might choose to meet with a spiritual director, and to take away (or at least reduce) confusion, mysteriousness, and/or distrust which sometimes surrounds spiritual direction.
One thing I know for sure is that we are not meant to do this alone. What’s “this”? This is LIFE. We are not meant to do life alone.
One of my frequent prayers is “God continue to send me companions for my journey and may I be a companion for others.” Companions may be people who are life-long friends or they may be a sales clerk or customer service rep on the phone who helps solve a problem for the day.
As you hopefully know by now, I am a coach and a spiritual director. What you may not know is that some people call spiritual direction, spiritual companioning . . . which in all honesty is a way more accurate reflection of what we do – companion people on their spiritual journey. The first thing I usually explain to people is that as a spiritual director, I don’t do much directing.
I sometimes hesitate to talk about spiritual direction because I worry that it will sound too weird or “woo” to people. The thing is, spiritual direction really isn’t that weird or “woo”, at least in my understanding and practice.
Once I decided to talk about spiritual direction, I realized I had a lot to say about it. And since there is no way I can give spiritual direction justice in one post, I’ve written a series of three posts of which this is the first.
If you're thinking spiritual direction is not for you, I have one big favor to ask. I ask that you read this series of posts any way. I invite you to keep an open mind and be curious. Maybe this isn’t your thing but by learning about it you help me spread the word and you may know someone for whom this would mean a great deal.
What I want you to know
My weekly newsletter is called “Wisdom of the Heart: Inspiration and resources for living with deeper purpose.” That title is not random. I didn’t choose that name lightly. Seeking meaning and purpose is at the heart of why I do what I do. It is something I have done my entire life.
As a coach and spiritual director, I help people who have reached a point in their life where they feel restless, frustrated, and in one way or another are LONGING FOR SOMETHING MORE MEANINGFUL. They want to know life has meaning - their life has meaning – and they want to experience a life of meaning and purpose.
For some folks, their search for meaning is expressed in a desire to deepen their relationship with and/or their experience of God, Spirit, Holy Wisdom – whatever name they use for what some call Source, The Divine, Mystery.
These are people for whom Spiritual Direction may be a good fit – and sometimes it’s the thing they have been looking for although they didn’t know that was what it was.
I say this because I have found that most people have no idea what spiritual direction is or that it even exists. And even if someone has some idea about what it is, most of them have never actually worked with a spiritual director.
And how can you know if you want something or if it would make a difference in your life if you don't know what it is?
So What IS Spiritual Direction?
I have yet to find a simple and short answer to this question.
I know how I was trained to provide spiritual direction and I know how I have experienced it myself. And I know there are many other traditions and approaches, some of which I know little or nothing about. In other words, I know enough to know, there is not one answer.
Even with my training and experience, I still find it challenging to speak clearly and succinctly about that which is "spiritual". At times words just seem inadequate.
Yet, we have to start somewhere.
So think of this as a start of a conversation not a definition with hard, sharply defined, unchangeable edges.
I believe spiritual direction, at its core, is about accompaniment, deep listening, and a desire to connect with Spirit.
Desire. You have to come with the desire to connect with God/Spirit, the desire to deepen your relationship or experience of The Divine, and/or the desire to recognize the movement of Spirit in your life. One way to honor your desire is by having personal spiritual practices. One of those practices could be having dedicated time in your calendar to meet with a spiritual director on a regular basis (typically once a month).
Accompaniment. Rather than sitting by yourself trying to figure it out alone, you could choose to meet with a spiritual director. A person who has been trained and has committed to their own ongoing spiritual formation and practice. I think of it as walking with you. I am not there with predetermined answers or to solve or fix anything, but to hold space, be a constant presence and witness to your journey.
Deep Listening, sometimes called holy listening. Having time for stillness and silence to listen for that 'still small voice', listening for the gentle urgings that seem to come from somewhere deep inside us. My job is to bring that listening to each and every spiritual direction session. And our job together is to practice this kind of listening and then speak as we feel led to speak. This takes practice and patience. And it helps to have someone with training to practice with (see Accompaniment).
If you are thinking, I still don’t get it! First, I’m sure you’re not alone. Don't be discouraged. And second, now you know why I have written a series of posts!
In next week’s post, I will provide examples of why people meet with a spiritual director. In the meantime, you can learn more on my website page dedicated to Spiritual Direction.
