Decision-Making and Discernment
Most of us know how to make decisions with our head — but what happens when that approach is inadequate, when a decision seems to require something more?
Most of us are taught from an early age the basics of decision-making:
Do the research.
Weigh the options.
Decide the “best” path.
And for many everyday choices — Which route should I take to work? What movie should we watch? — this works just fine.
But when the questions grow bigger, these initial tools may fall short. So we turn to more elaborate tools such as: making a pro/con list, a SWOT analysis, or a decision matrix. We might even seek outside input from “experts.” These can all be useful approaches, but they don’t always lead to decisions that feel right or stand the test of time. They can feel hollow or mechanical.
I’ve always been pretty good at this kind of head-centered decision-making. But what I wasn’t taught — and what most of us aren’t taught — is the process of discernment.
What Makes Discernment Different
Decision-making is primarily a mental process.
Discernment engages not only the mind but also the heart, the gut, the body, and the Spirit.
Decision-making often aims for efficiency.
Discernment invites spacious reflection, self-trust, and conscious choice.
Decision-making asks, What should I do? What’s the “right” answer?
Discernment asks, What is my heart and inner wisdom telling me? Where is God/Spirit inviting me?
Not every decision requires discernment. Dinner doesn’t. But when you arrive at a crossroads in life or career, discernment can make all the difference.
Photo credit: Unsplash
My Story of Discernment
About twelve years ago, I reached a crossroads in my career. I knew I didn’t want to continue doing the same work, but I didn’t know what was next.
For two years, I tried to decide my way forward with pro/con lists, researching different opportunities, and even a few job interviews.
But clarity never came.
Finally, I realized I needed to stop forcing an answer and start listening more deeply — to my own soul, to my body, to the “still small voice” that kept nudging me.
With the support of a coach and a spiritual director, I began to slow down, to pay attention, and to take time for stillness. Eventually, it became clear that some dedicated retreat time would be beneficial, and I went on a solo retreat in the Virginia countryside.
One warm, sunny spring morning while sipping tea, clarity came. My shoulders relaxed, my breathing slowed and deepened, and tears came to my eyes each time I thought about it. They still do when I recall that moment.
That moment of clarity changed the path of my life. And all the choices I’ve made since then — especially the difficult and uncomfortable ones — have been rooted in confidence, peace of mind, and no regrets.
That is the power of discernment.
Lack of Clarity vs. Uncertainty
Here’s something important: lack of clarity is not the same as uncertainty.
Clarity is the sense of inner knowing that eventually comes. Uncertainty, on the other hand, is the terrain we walk through on the way there. It’s what’s known as liminal space and what Emily P. Freeman refers to as the hallway between rooms of our life.
“…what the discernment process can do is give us the confidence we need to take action. Often when we think we’re looking for clarity, what we really need is courage.”
— Emily P. Freeman, The Next Right Thing on Substack
Uncertainty is often uncomfortable — and it can stir up fear of the unknown. It can feel risky. We want answers. We want certainty. But discernment doesn’t rush us out of the hallway. It teaches us how to wait, how to notice, and how to trust.
Sometimes, clarity comes in a single defining moment, like it did for me on that retreat. Other times, it unfolds gradually, as a series of small confirmations. Either way, discernment gives us the courage to live with the not-yet and to trust that the way forward will open.
Why Discernment Matters for You
If you find yourself at a crossroads — wondering whether to stay, leave, or redecorate the “room” you’re in — decision-making alone may leave you spinning or discouraged.
Discernment invites you to:
Listen deeply.
Notice what aligns with your values and long-term well-being.
Trust the nudges of your heart, your inner wisdom, and Spirit’s guidance.
Take one step forward with courage.
“Before you tell your life what you intend to do with it, listen for what it intends to do with you.”
— Parker J. Palmer, Let Your Life Speak
Your Next Step
Discernment doesn’t eliminate uncertainty — it helps you walk through it with greater peace, courage, and clarity.
This is the work I now hold space for with others.
✨ My free guide, Before You Decide, offers a simple 3-step practice to begin. It’s a gentle way to pause, listen, and move forward with confidence.
✨ Registration is now open for my small group program, Career Crossroads: Discerning Your Way Forward, which begins October 15. Together we’ll create space for listening, reflection, and courageous next steps — so you don’t have to navigate the hallway alone.
If you’ve been waiting for clarity, maybe what you need most is courage — and a supportive space to listen for it. That’s what Career Crossroads offers you.